The only real antidote to worry is purposeful action. Remember, worry is merely a sustained form of fear caused by indecision. By overcoming fear you are now in a position to do something constructive. Once you stop worrying and have resolved to accept the worst, your mind will be calm and clear and capable of creative thought. Having resolved to accept the worst, should it occur, now think of everything that you could possibly do to make sure that the very worst does not occur. Step four is to begin immediately to improve upon the worst. All the stress caused by denial, by refusing to face what the worst could be, suddenly disappears. Just say to yourself, “Well, if it happens this way, I’ll learn to live with it.” Once you have resolved to accept the worst, should it occur, you no longer have anything to worry about. Step three is to resolve to accept the worst possible outcome, should it occur. Once you have written down the worst possible thing that can happen, you will find that you will slowly stop worrying. What we have found is that it is resistance to facing the worst possible outcome that causes most of the anxiety and stress associated with worry. Steps one and two will quickly start relieving the stress that causes worry. You may lose your money, lose your relationship, lose your job, your investment, your health, or your prestige.
On the right-hand side of the page, answer the question, “What is the worst possible thing that can happen as a result of this problem?” Step two is to write out the worst possible outcome of the worry situation.
In medicine, they say that “Accurate diagnosis is half the cure.” Many of our worries exist because we have not taken the time to sit down and really define clearly what it is that is bothering us. On the left side of the pad of paper, write a clear description of your problem, the answer to the question, “What exactly am I worrying about?”įully 50% of all problems can be solved at this definition stage. The best way to do this is to take a pad of paper and draw a line from top to bottom right down the middle. Step one is to define the problem or situation you are worrying about clearly in writing. Many people have come back to me and said that this simple method has changed their attitudes from negative to positive and enabled them to be more effective in their work and their personal lives than they had ever thought possible. One of the most powerful techniques ever developed to overcoming fear, and relieving stress is called the “worry buster.”
Acting with courage in a fearful situation is simply a technique that boosts our regard for ourselves to such a degree that our fears subside and lose their ability to affect our behavior and our decisions. The opposite of fear is actually love, self-love, and self-respect. The antidote to these fears is the development of courage, character, and self-esteem.
They are caught in the trap of feeling, “I can’t, but “I have to,” “I have to,” but “I can’t.” More than 99% of adults experience both these fears of failure and rejection. This is expressed in the attitude of “I have to, I have to,” and is associated with the feeling that “I have to work harder and accomplish more in order to please the boss,” who has become a surrogate parent. Many men develop Type A behavior which is characterized by hostility, suspicion and an obsession with performance to some undetermined high standard. If we do something they don’t like, they withdraw their love and approval-which we interpret as rejection.Īs adults, people raised with conditional love become preoccupied with the opinions of others. If we do what pleases them, they give us love and approval. We learn this when our parents make their love conditional upon our behavior. We feel it in the front of the body, starting at the solar plexus and moving up to the rapid beating of the heart, rapid breathing, and a tight throat.įear of rejection interferes with performance and inhibits expression. The experience of the fear of failure is in the words of “I can’t”, I can’t.” Taken to its extreme, we become totally preoccupied with not making a mistake, with seeking approval for security above all other considerations. The fear of rejection and failure is the single greatest obstacle to success in adult life.
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